One of the toughest things for some people to do is listen to take care of their loved one, especially a parent, and then sit there and listen about how they’re waiting for their other child to call or visit during the holidays. When you’re providing elder care to a parent, it can be especially difficult during the holidays to feel as though you’re playing second fiddle to them.
You want to be appreciated. You want to be recognized. You want all of your effort to mean something, especially during the holidays. Yet no matter what you do, you may still find yourself feeling resentful for your brother who never calls your mother, who never visits, and who has taken advantage of her through the years, be the focus of her attention. In fact, he’s not even so much as lifted a finger to help with elderly home care or even contributed a dollar. All he does is take from her as much as he can while you break your back trying to make sure that your mother has everything she needs and is safe, secure, and healthy.
So what can you do when the holidays roll around and you feel as though your mother only cares about whether your brother will call or if he’s going to stop by for a visit this year. You might tell her that it’s doubtful, and want to say so much more, but you don’t dare. Instead, you bite your tongue and keep your thoughts to yourself. And still it stings.
It may even begin to affect the level of elderly health care that you provide for your mother. You may want to ignore her so that she can begin to ask for you and be concerned with you for a change. However, it’s important to realize that it’s not a competition. Your mother isn’t talking about your brother because she favors him. It’s a matter of the shepherd and her sheep. The shepherd doesn’t worry about the sheep that stay in the flock; he worries about the one that wanders off.
If you feel that you’re being overwhelmed by the elder care that you’re providing for your mother or feel that you are becoming resentful for being the second fiddle in your family, no matter what you do, then it’s time to consider hiring home care for the elderly. This can alleviate a lot of stress and pressure and help you focus on a relationship that could be suffering.